Project: How To Be Invisible

I'm not sure if I've posted about this before on my blog (I probably have) but I've decided to start working on a project again that I initially started at university.

The project is called "How To Be Invisible" and is a modern day exploration of what it means to be invisible. I initially came up with the idea when I was watching a movie in which one of the main character's sister had gone missing. This character in question was obsessed with becoming invisible and tried to find the perfect book to help her achieve this. So I though, why not make the book that she was looking for?

The idea isn't as simple as that though. I basically want to create a curation of anonymous experiences of feeling invisible and create something that is both thought provoking and artistic. I want to see if there is a common formula for invisibility and find out what implications there are to successfully becoming invisible.

The main platform for this idea is Tumblr as it's the most interactive way of curating all of the information.

Here is a link to the tumblr page: http://theinvisibleproject.tumblr.com/

The point of this blog post is really to invite you all to be a part of this project! It's open to anyone and everyone and I really think it could become something great. I'm really excited to have a project to work on and I hope you will all be as enthusiastic about this idea as I am!


Listen: ÒOR

 I recently discovered this wonderful little band and thought I would share it with you all. It's really the perfect soundtrack to autumn!


Life: Another frustrating blog post

Hello once again my lovely blog, I haven't forgotten about you so don't worry and I still plan on doing posts about Harry Potter and my graduation so keep an eye open for those.

But unfortunately today is going to be another one of my mopey blog posts about not getting a job and feeling really sorry for myself after another set of rejection emails.

In my last post I told you that I had two more interviews for retail jobs in my local shopping centre and I can now tell you that I didn't get either of them.

I'm feeling really sad and frustrated especially since I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong and why I'm not getting these jobs! I'm trying really hard in my interviews and being confident and friendly yet somehow I'm not getting anywhere. The only conclusions I can come up with are either that:

A) I don’t have any previous retail experience so the positions are going to those that do
B) Because I have a degree I'm overqualified for these jobs so they're going to people that are younger and less qualified or to people that simply just want to work in retail.

It's pretty clear out of those suggestions which one was put forward by my mom and which one was put forward by my friends. I understand that having previous retail experience is obviously going to benefit a person applying for a job in retail but I'm stuck in the impossible circle of trying to get experience in an industry that requires experience to get in.

And secondly, I understand that I may be overqualified to work in retail but that seems like a very narcissistic reason to tell myself why I haven't gotten a job.

I'm just getting stuck in circles at the moment and I don't know what I'm doing. I think now after this most recent retail rejection that I'm just going to stop applying for retail jobs. I'm qualified to work as a journalist so I may as well just apply to those jobs.

I've found some exciting internships online so I'm going to focus my energy on applying to those now as clearly I'm not destined to have a pit-stop job in retail.

However, before I do that I just need to watch a sad movie and let out all of my frustration so I can put all of my energy into getting back onto the horse.


Life: Update 12/09/2015

Hello again guys, so I thought I should probably do another update before it ends up being months between each blog post. The last post that I uploaded I think was a quick little list of '10 facts about me'.

Since then a lot has happened... I've been to the Harry Potter Studio tour and I've graduated! After I've written this post I'll do a couple more about the two events highlighted above so I can talk about them both in more detail rather than rushing through them in this one.

It's been so lovely to be busy again recently and I've still got a couple of things lined up for the next week. As I've already mentioned in a couple of blog posts, on the 17th I'm going to a Channel 4 Pop-up day which I'm pretty excited for. Hopefully I'll be able to use the day to get some contacts in the industry that may lead into future opportunities... Also it will be a nice chance to meet people with the same goals as me which could be quite inspiring!

Additionally I've also got a couple of job interviews lined up! They're both for retail positions which at the moment is all that I'm looking for. It's an ideal position for me at the moment as whilst I work in retail to earn some cash I can also apply for various work experience placements in the media industry which can then lead into a job. Also a lot of the work placements that I want to apply for are unpaid so I'll need some cash to sustain me whilst I undergo the placements. Due to the nature of what I want to do it I know that I'll need to get more experience before I start applying for all of these great jobs in the industry. Also, once I've got some experience under my belt I'll feel confident when I do start applying for all of these roles at magazines etc compared to if I applied now.

Both of the interviews are group interviews, and as I've already experienced one I'm feeling more at ease about the two ahead of me. Both of the shops I'm interviewing for seem really lovely and I'm just going to send out positive vibes and hope that something works out for either of these jobs!

I think that's pretty much it for a quick update post! As I've said I'll write up a post about Harry Potter and my graduation next so I hope you enjoy having a read.


Life: 10 facts about me!

I've seen a lot of people post these things so thought it was about time that I did one myself

1. I've got a degree in Journalism
2. I was born with scoliosis and had an operation to straighten my spine when I was in secondary school and now I have a gnarly (never used that word before) scar all down my back
3. I'm an introvert at heart but I'm quite good at pretending to be an extrovert
4. I'm always cold, always.
5. The first vinyl I ever bought myself was Keaton Henson - Romantic Works
6. I want to move to San Francisco
7. I'm not good at keeping in contact with people- I can drop off the radar for months at a time but please don't take it personally.
8. I'm good at keeping secrets
9. I always have my nails painted, I've actually become quite high maintainace about my nails in the past year
10. I have a soft spot for tall boys with neck tattoo's


Look: Reading 2015

As you may know from my previous post this time last week I was at Reading festival.

Whilst I was there I was trying to 'live in the moment' and enjoy it rather than 'take pictures of the moment' so unfortunatly I don't have many pictures to share with you guys but thought I would post the few that I have so you can get a visual of the experience!

please excuse the cringe

seeing Manchester Orchestra live was everything I could have hoped for and more

at the barrier for the Foals secret set!

obviously I had to rock out to Metallica!

me and Reen being radical (obviously)

flares at Alt-J

apparently everyone else thought they were shit but I rather enjoyed The Libertines set

Sooooo glad I finally saw alexisonfire live!

Life: Update 02/09/2015

It's been over a week since my last post and although I promised at the start of this summer that I wouldn't do this I feel like this is an exception as I'm in the middle of a busy couple of weeks.

On Monday I got back from Reading Festival (which was fab and I'll do a blog post about it after this one) and I've spent the past couple of days just sleeping and washing and generally recovering from the experience.

Whilst I was gone I got an exciting email about being chosen to attend a Channel 4 PopUp day hosted by My Kinda Future and 4Talent. From my understanding it's basically a day full of activities with 150 other young people hoping to make a career in the media industry. There will be a chance to talk to industry professionals and hopefully make a good impression and forge useful contacts.

Whilst I'm obviously excited to attend this event I'm also concerned that all of the other young people there will only be about 17 years old thus making me feel like a pensioner even though I'm only 21, I'm still young guys (I promise). I can imagine all of the other people there will only be halfway through college whilst I sit them all down and show them pictures of me at my graduation reminiscing about the good old days of being a university fresher, but moving on...

In the past couple of days I've also found a few other exciting internships that I'll be applying for when I've got my energy back from Reading and I've got to tell you all that I'm feeling some good vibes, even if it takes me six months I know eventually I'll find my way in and get a job that I adore. I've been seeing a lot of magpies recently (always in pairs- luckily) and been glancing at the clock when it hits 11:11 so clearly these are all signs that good things are coming my way.

I've also been reading interviews with people that I admire and they all talk about the importance of hard work and determination which makes me feel hopefully about all of the applications that I seem to be constantly writing at the moment. All I need is one person to chuckle at my pithy anecdotes and I'll be on my way to success.

Anyway, moving forward, I've got a couple of other exciting things that will be happening in the following two weeks. On Sunday I'm finally going to visit the Harry Potter studio tour with my friend Chelsey! I've wanted to go ever since it first opened but it's only now that I've actually had the chance to visit. There's no doubt that on the day I will take countless Instagram pictures that I'll also post on here to share with you all my Ravenclaw pride.

The second exciting thing that will be happening soon, which is probably the most important thing, is that I will be graduating! My ceremony is on the 10th of September and I've got my outfit and gown all ready for the big day. I just prey that I don't wake up with shit hair or a spot on my face as these pictures are going to haunt me for the rest of my life so it's of upmost importance that I look amazing.

And the final thing that I have to look forward to I've already mentioned in this post, the Channel 4 PopUp on the 17th! (I probably could have organised this post better so it was more chronological but it's done now and I'm too tired to rewrite it)

That's pretty much a summary of what's going on in my life at the moment. I could tell you all about the usual job applications etc but I think by this point you all know that my life is a constant whirlwind of job and internship applications at the moment. The next time I write to you guys will hopefully be when I actually get a job and a placement somewhere so this blog doesn't start to feel to repetitive.

My eyes are slowly betraying me as I write this post and I think I'm due another nap before I get back to work. I hope this blog has been somewhat entertaining for you all to read.


Comment: The self(ie)ish generation

In 2013 the word ‘selfie’ was chosen as the word of the year by Oxford English Dictionary with the definition: “a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website”. In the same year Time magazine also famously published their ‘Me Me Me’ issue which criticised my generation by calling it the most lazy, entitled and vain one yet with the cover of this issue even featuring an image of a girl taking a selfie.

Two years since this magazine cover and selfie culture is still firmly weaving its way into mainstream society. Last year ABC commissioned a programmed called ‘Selfie’ and whilst it was short lived and got cancelled a few episodes in, it represented quite a fitting metaphor for selfie culture. For those that never watched the show, it was actually an incredibly funny and touching update on the classic tale 1912 George Bernard Shaw play Pygmalion. However much like the main characters of this story, the program was prematurely judged for being shallow and as a result never got the show run that it deserved. You can’t help but wonder if part of the reason people didn’t tune into the show was because of its name. Whilst there are many people taking and sharing selfies, there are also people that continue to be afraid and even disgusted by the word and the notion of taking photos of themselves.

One of the most popular gifts this past christmas was the selfie stick, a device that makes taking group selfies easier than ever. On Christmas Day Instagram and Facebook became instantly flooded with people excitedly taking selfies with their new accessorises. However within hours the backlash to these presents shared as much space on your twitter feed as the selfies themselves did. There was a clear 50/50 divide between people using their selfie sticks and people wanting to break them.

Most recently Kim Kardashian West released 352 page book ‘Selfish’ which is a collection of the stars favourite selfies. It’s no surprise that many people are completely baffled by this and wonder who would buy this book or what the point of the book even is. These questions are usually followed by criticisms on Kim herself, a woman who rose to fame when her sex tape was leaked back in 2007 and has since become the Marilyn Monroe of the social media obsessed selfie generation. Every time Kim takes a selfie, someone is waiting in the sidelines to criticise her and ask the internet why she is even famous. However despite all of the criticism Kim faces she appears to behappily married to Kanye West and took someones betrayal of her trust and turned it into a multi-million dollar business for her and her family. Also, Kanye West knows about her sex tape and selfies and he doesn't seem to care so why should anyone else?

The most common argument against selfies is that taking them is a vain and shallow act only committed by people that have low self esteem and need to be ‘liked’ in order to feel validated. There is a constant stream of news stories calling selfies “cries for attention” and acts of “globally accepted selfishness”. People are apparently outraged that somebody would dare take a selfie in an art gallery and that in doing so you are suggesting that you are the most important thing in the picture and not the painting (that I hate to tell you is not actually a sentient being unlike the person taking the photo). This opens up debate about art and the value of art, but why does a selfie need to have any artistic value? Is that the purpose of a selfie?

These all seems like a shallow and poorly thought out arguments to make and whilst I can’t claim to talk on behalf of everyone who takes selfies, the most common reason why I take a selfie is because I like the way I look  and maybe on a day different day when I don't like the way I look I can find my selfie and feel a bit better. If this is an act of vanity, then I accept the title of being vain. And anyway, what’s wrong with a little bit of vanity? Maybe it’s because culturally we aren't supposed to self promote or brag about things, and it’s certainly well documented that women aren’t supposed to be aware of their beauty. The second a woman not only accepts a compliment but believes it, her beauty apparently evaporates and she suddenly becomes vain and self absorbed. A recent online experiment by teenager Gweneth Bateman found that when she accepted compliments made to her on social media, those complimenting her would instantly change their tone and call her a “bitch” for thinking she was as beautiful as they told her she was.

Self love is an important thing to learn, and if some people gain it by taking selfies then who are we to criticise them. Maybe constantly taking selfies does make my generation the most vain one yet, but it’s hard to ignore the argument that historically people used to pay artists a lot of money to paint their portrait which they would later hang in their offices or above their fireplaces. So is this generation really the most vain, or does this generation just have the tools to frequently take pictures that our ancestors would have done if only they had the front-facing camera and a selfie stick.

Look: Instagram update 18/07/2015

1.  Nylon and lemonade in Soho Coffe // 2. Mint choc ice cream // 3. Exploring Bridgenorth
4. Bridgenorth // 5. Wearing my new Topshop trousers // 6. My newest Murakami novel
7. Poem by Frank O'Hara // 8. The new Lianne La Havas album plus M&S raspberry lemonade // 9. shameless selfie.
10. Night out for my birthday // 11. What it's like to be 21 // 12. My new children - Stan Smiths 

Life: feeling determind

Today I woke up once again feeling extremely determined to succeed and get a job in the media industry.

I'm not sure if I had an inspiring dream last night but regardless, when I got out of bed this morning I felt hopeful that even though I'm still mind numbingly bored of writing applications I'm not even close to giving up.

It's only really been 2 months since I left Falmouth so in the grand scheme of things I've barely even started my post-university life so I shouldn't feel bad that I haven't got a great job yet.

I'm slowly transitioning away from trying to get a pit-stop job in retail and going full force trying to find a work placement in the media industry. Once I've secure a placement I think I'll feel hapy to start applying for other jobs again. My main career focus is on the media after all, so I want to spend more time focusing on that rather than putting all my energy into trying to get a job at the local shopping centre.

Whenever I do start to feel sad about not having a work placement it's only ever really 40% due to the fact I haven't got one yet. The remaining 60% of the feeling is caused by comparing myself to other people whether they're friends, or friends of friends, or even people that I've never met before but I just like their Instagram page. When I see all of these other people finding their own success it makes me feel guilty that I haven't found mine yet.

I know that there isn't some secret race or a competition to get a job at a magazine or a radio station or wherever, but I've always hated the feeling of being left behind and I don't want to sit back and watch other people have these amazing lives whilst I'm still sat at home watching Netflix.

I know that comparing your life to someone else's never turns out well but it's hard to avoid doing so when you constantly hear people talking about all of these great opportunities that they have. I know that online you can gloss everything over and make your life seem completely different to reality but even so all of their hard work finally payed off, now I'm just waiting for the same thing to happen to me.

As I've mentioned in a previous blog post I get so worked up when I have nothing to do. I hate feeling bored and I'm truly at my happiest when I'm busy with about 4 different projects to work on. So today I'm keeping myself busy applying for even more work placements and opportunities.

Something else that's frustrating at the moment is that every job that I find requires work experience if you even want to be considered for an interview. I guess it's fair enough but just securing work experience is turning out to be one of the hardest things I've ever done.


Comment: The problem with celebrity endorsed feminism

2014 was undoubtedly the year of the Feminist and now that we’re over halfway through 2015 this sees no sign of slowing down. Whilst feminism is by no means a new concept, the sudden rise in popularity for a more mainstream and contemporary understanding of feminism indicates a hopeful change in the attitudes of a new generation of young people.

In the past 12 months many female celebrities have more openly and publicly advocated feminism. For example, Emma Watson’s HeForShe campaign generated over 1.1 million tweets between the 20th of September and the 2nd of October in 2014 and this created an online discussion of what it means to be a feminist, and what feminism even is.

However Emma Watson represents quite a friendly and easy to digest form of feminism. Whilst it is fantastic that she got people talking about gender stereotypes and the untapped potential of women she should be seen as a gateway into feminism rather than a single representative of every feminist issue in contemporary society. If in 2015 people didn’t know that a feminist isn’t somebody that hates men, it’s because they never bothered to learn what feminism means not because feminism hasn’t tried to teach this to people or due to a lack of resources. Emma Watson just happened to be the mainstream-friendly celebrity that made a large group of people realise this.

Similarly, Taylor Swift has been discussing feminism throughout her recent interviews and spoken out frequently about how feminism is something that she has only recently has started to gain a fuller understanding of.  Swift is a great example of somebody slowly unlearning problematic behaviour and demonstrates how many people actually hold feminist beliefs without even realising it! But again, she should not be seen as the single representative of modern day feminism.

Beyonce is another great example of a somebody publicly advocating feminism and disputing tired stereotypes of what a real feminist should be like. Yes she is a wife and a mother, but she is also a strong and sexually empowered business woman and none of these things make her any less of a feminist. One of the most popular misconceptions of feminism is that only single, childless and career orientated women are feminists, and whilst there are some feminists that do fit this description (which shouldn’t be seen as a negative thing, and a certain ‘type’ of woman shouldn’t be thrown under the bus to further the cause or popularity of feminism), feminism isn’t exclusively for these types of women.

Another popular voice in feminism at the moment is Laverne Cox, who has become a pivotal individual in advocating transgender rights and showcasing how feminism is about supporting every type of woman and not just those that are white, cis, able bodied and heterosexual. Similarly Caitlyn Jenner is another highly notable transgender spokesperson who has encouraged people to have more open discussions regarding acceptance and understanding towards the LGBT community. Something that I personally adore about Caitlyn is that she understands her position of privilege and uses her voice to draw attention to other members of the transgender community that do not have this same platform or support system.

Nicki Minaj is another great role model for young women as she regularly gives incredibly feminist and empowering interviews and encourages the success and celebration of other women. However because she dances in minimal clothing and loves wearing make-up, or because of some other equally shallow reason, a lot of people write her off and don’t give her the credit and respect that she deserves.

However despite this increase of influential women bringing feminism into the media spotlight, there are still just as many celebrities criticising it. Unfortunately most criticism seems to stem from a complete misunderstanding of what feminism is based on poor representation in popular culture. Kaley Cuoco has previously said that she’s not a feminist because she loves being a housewife and taking care of her husband, things which are commonly assumed to be against feminist beliefs. But the important thing to note is that she said she enjoys doing these things! She cooks for her husband not because she is forced to do so but because she love and enjoys it, and these choices don’t make her any less of a feminist. Whilst it’s obviously fine if a person doesn’t want to walk around declaring themselves a feminist at every given opportunity, it’s frustrating seeing women say that they’re not a feminist because of reasons that are actually in line with a lot of feminist beliefs.

One reason why people may be reluctant to call themselves a feminist is because there is no tangible finish line where you get a badge and can suddenly begin to call yourself a true, unproblematic feminist. Also, with so many pop stars and actors being given a feminist spot light this creates quite a fractured view of what feminism is as they may not all completely agree as to what qualifies a feminist. Whilst it is fantastic that there are people that can call themselves both a feminist and a pop star, more media attention needs to be given to women that have a more politically and educationally fleshed out feminist background. In Beyonce’s song Flawless*** she samples a 2012 TED talks by Chimamanda Ngozi titled “Why we should all be feminist” and undoubtedly many people only became aware of this talk after listening to Flawless***. This is a great example of a celebrity using their platform to give attention to people that have already eloquently spoken about feminism rather than diluting down what has already been said in order to make it more popular-media-friendly

There are no strict guidelines to becoming a feminist, however there are common beliefs that are woven throughout the foundations of feminism. In the most diluted down sense of the word, feminism is about equality and justice. The only problem with this diluted down, bitesize definition of feminism is that this get’s passed around and warped until it encapsulates a common understanding of what feminism represents, and many people may be left feeling dissatisfied with this new wave of feminism. Feminism is a socially complex and multifaceted issue and only understanding it based on a simplified definition can cause problems. These problems are wonderfully addressed in this comic (http://www.robot-hugs.com/definition/) but to summarise for you for the purpose of this post, what this comic addresses is the fact that a dictionary is a subjective, man made document that could never possibly encapsulate all the nuances and variations of language and how it is used and understood.

Whilst all the women highlighted at the start of this post have undoubtedly faced prejudice, and oppression should never be treated as a competition, it also needs to be recognised that celebrities live in a world in which they are distanced from some types of prejudice. This isn’t to say that this their fault or that they’re not a worthwhile feminist because they haven't faced the right kind of oppression, but rather that there are many feminist issues that don’t get media attention because celebrities haven’t experienced them and have no knowledge that they exist. Again, this is more of a problem with the stories being told in film and TV and people not being given media attention rather than the lack of stories out there waiting to be told.

It would be ignorant to assume to know what oppression the women at the start of this post have faced and it would be equally as ignorant for us to put them on a feminist pedestal and expect them never to do an unproblematic thing ever again. You can have a a vast and complex knowledge of gender fluidity but still be ignorant when it comes other social issues such as racism and white privilege. However something all of these women highlighted above do have is a platform. They have a mass of online (and real life) followers that care about what they say and it’s already evident that this is an invaluable tool in keeping the momentum in the ongoing discussion on feminism. But as I've already said, they are simply opening up the gateway for feminism and should not be seen as the only important voices in the movement.

Style: Olivia Burton Watches

For the past six months I've been on a constant search for the perfect watch.

I already own a couple of Swatch watches from when I was younger but they're not really my style anymore and whilst I still love them, I really wanted a more 'traditional' looking watch that I could wear every day and grow up with during the next phase of my life.

I've always loved watches, probably because most of my family members always have one strapped to their wrists and as I've grown up they've somehow become one of their defining characteristics whenever I think about them. Their watches suit them perfectly and in the same way that dogs can sometimes look like their owners, I think watches can sometimes resemble the people who wear them.

Watches are the kind of jewellery item that can just completely become a part of someones personality, there's just something about the fact that people wear them everyday which makes them quite personal and gives them a sense of life and sentimentality that other things like t-shirts and socks don't have. It's probably why in American high-school movies when the guy gives his girlfriend his watch it's seen as a grand romantic declaration of love (I'm mainly thinking of John Tucker Must Die as my example of this but I'm sure there are more).

So anyway, I've spent hours online looking for the perfect watch and I can say that 99% of what I found was absolutely horrendous. Everything was so bright and glitzy and over-complicated. Nearly all of the watches that I found that were aimed towards women were just ugly and sparkly and looked like something that the Disney channel wardrobe department would adore.

If you've ever met me in person you will know that I'm an extremely picky in pretty much all area's of my life, especially in terms of my sense of style and appearance and I can decide in 3 seconds if I like something or not.

Finally I managed to stumble upon a brand that made the perfect watch for me. The watches are all vintage-inspired and undoubtedly feminine and delicate without being overwhelmingly girly and thank-god none of their watches encrusted with rhinestones.

The brand that I found is called Olivia Burton and I honestly adore all of their watches. Everything they've designed is very traditional, stylish and ageless and is the type of watch that you can wear with any outfit without worrying if it's going to look good.

Another thing that I love about this brand is that some of their watches feature botanical illustrations that are drawn in a very similar style to my tattoo's so they will look perfect on my wrist.  I also adore their more simple designs and one of my personal favourites is a rose gold watch with a navy leather strap.

I know this post has just been me having a weird rant about watches and gushing over Olivia Burton (if your PR team is reading this and wants to send me some watches over then feel free my friend, feel free) but I've spent so long looking for the perfect watch that I needed to write a blog post about it incase I can help any other poor souls that are also on the lookout for their perfect watch.


Life: Back to square one

So today I had another one of those slightly down days where I feel like I'm back at square one in terms of the whole job hunting thing. I did hand in my application to Waterstones on Friday so hopefully I'll get something back from that, but either way I'm be going to go back to scouring the internet for jobs for the foreseeable future.

I think that I probably feel disheartened again today because I don't really know what I'm working towards. Every time I look for jobs online I don’t know what I'm searching for and I'm too stubborn to look at office jobs or jobs that I know I could probably get to earn some cash whilst I look for something else. I have this grand idea of what I want my life to be like and I'm not willing to put it on hold for a couple of years whilst I have an uninspiring job. I've seen enough films to know that the job you get once you graduate that you swear is just a pit stop ends up turning into the place you spend the next ten years of your life whilst your real dreams slip awayyyy...

I know ultimately what I want to do with my life but unfortunately there's no fast track to get there and I don't know quite where I'm going to find my 'in'. I also know that my title of "fresh exciting graduate" is going to expire in the next six months so I really want something to work out soon before I have to try and explain what I've been doing since graduation other than applying to internships with no luck.

But I also don't want to become one of those boring people that just complains all of the time about not being handed a great opportunity on a plate. I know that nobody owes me anything and getting where I want to be is going to be hard work and it's going to take a while before I get there, it's just that the 'getting there' bit doesn't seem to be much fun at the moment.

I can tell that I'm going to have the spend the next few weeks reluctantly gritting my teeth and writing up articles to send off to places for freelance work. I know that's the deal in this industry but it's still annoying. But I'd rather do that instead of getting a soul-crushing job in an industry that I have no passion for. I know what I want and I'm not the type of person to give something up, one way or another I always get what I want. I just think in this case it's going to take longer than usual.

I'm also the type of person that annoyingly always seems to land on their feet, even if it's the final second before I hit the ground. I know that something perfect will fall into place and I'll feel stupid for ever doubting myself but I'm just so bored of being at home! I honestly want a job just to get out of the house at this point, maybe as much as I would like some money.

One of the only good things about being at home whilst I look for a job is that I have time to write on this blog. I wonder who actually reads this, I know I get views but I have no idea who you are you little mysterious internet ghosts. I haven't really started any conversations on here it's more just been a place for me to write things and you to read them. It would be nice to get comments from you guys, it's only fair that I read about you after you spend this time reading about me.

I found this quote on Tumblr the other day, and it pretty much articulates everything I've been feeling recently:
"So the last year of school has ended, and I am going to start another kind of life. It strikes me as strange, and among the many anxieties that seize me, the strongest is the choice of a future profession. It already preoccupies me and torments me, all the more so because I don’t feel I have a vocation for anything, and I feel I have many different tastes all dominating me thinking one after the other."
Charles Baudelaire, in a letter, qtd. by Rosemary Lloyd


Quote: Neil Gaiman, American Gods

I've had a tumblr for a few years now and it's mainly a place where I reblog pretty editorials and pretty quotes. After my last blog post I thought of this quote from one of my favourite books and thought it would be something worth showing you all...
“I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not.

I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Beatles and Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkled lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women.

I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state.

I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste.

I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like martians in War of the Worlds.

I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman.

I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.

I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.

I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too.

I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.

I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.”